Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
