Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
