85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
