he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
