woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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