we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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