you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
