$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
