If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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