Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
