Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
