Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
