I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
