You're my little dorito
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
