even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
