I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
