How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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