There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
