In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
