Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
