dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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