i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
