Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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