She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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