Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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