Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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