Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We named our party play list daddy issues
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
