I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
