but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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