Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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