Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
