Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
