guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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