I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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