I think I won the penis lottery.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
