How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
