Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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