theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
