That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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