I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
