When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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