I cannot find my penis.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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