I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm too high and old for this...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
