Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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