Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
