everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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