Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
