need another drink. this is the easiest way
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
