I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
