My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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