my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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