I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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